My mind, as it is so often prone to do, wanders in random directions. One such direction was to the enigmatic director of the box office bitch, Catwoman: Pitof.

So IMDB referes to the following as his “Trade Mark”: Extensive use of CG environments, Use of fast editing, Use of extreme close ups of eyes, and Constantly moving camera. They might have well put down instead, “Bad directing,” and saved those four lines of text. The bad CG and the distracting over-cutting were the faults in the movie Catwoman that stood out beyond the absolutely horrible script.

The director’s real name is Jean-Christophe Comar, but his childhood nickname was Pitof, and for some reason he decided that a name kids called him would be the more professional moniker for his film work.

It is also mentioned that he worked on music videos in the 80′s for Lenny Kravitz, which is obviously is a sign of success considering the vast amount of CD’s that Mr. Kravitz had released in the 80′s.

Granted, I should lay off of him a little bit. Looking through his career it is obvious that he doesn’t have much of a directing background. His work was mainly in FX supervising (however, that makes the poor CGI in Catwoman that much more unforgivable) and apparently is quite accomplished in France and has won many awards. From reading the posts of those who defend him on the IMDB message boards, one can summize that he is an all around nice down-to-earth guy…who insists on being referred to by a dubious one-word name that carries all the pretentiousness of a heavyweight without all of the, well, weight to back it up. One such defender stated that Pitof had the following to say when the subject of his ill-fated Hollywood foray came up:

“I’m no masterful feature director and I won’t hesitate to admit that. I got offered to the film and leaped at the opportunity as I felt it might be ‘once in a lifetime’ and figured “why not?” At least most people on the production felt that the script was of the stereotypical quality expected from marginalized characters. You could not make anything resembling diamond out of that pile of dirt. I tried to get something out it, but that effort was erased by the fact the studio had final cut over the film. Yes, I am to blame still, but it could have never been anything more than okay with that script.”

In light of this, I will admit. If some studio had came to me and asked me to direct Catwoman, I too would consider it a “once in a lifetime” opportunity and accept it despite knowing full well that it was destined for failure. However, since I would already expect it to fail, I would have fun with it. I would have cast Seth Rogan as Catwoman, and there would be no explanation in the movie as to why Catwoman only had breasts in the loosest sense of the word. I would also cameo in it during an unsimulated sex scene where Catwoman would pleasure me orally. During the explanatory dialogue scenes I would increase the amount of cut’s 10-fold by cutting at the end of each syllable. There would be an entire still frame photo animated opening sequence and John Travola would be in it. I would make Catwoman blind, but able to “see” through the use of purring-based sonar JUST LIKE A CAT DOES.

My version of Catwoman would be so bad that no one could possibly call me a bad director without being called out for not understanding cynisism. It worked for Verhoeven.

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